I was born with autism. One of the symptoms are extreme and uncontrollable likes and dislikes. For me, that included certain foods, so it was inevitable that I would eventually become morbidly obese. My family insisted I should just control myself. We OA people know how ridiculous that is. That goes double for autistics.
Eventually, inevitably, I got diabetes. I thought I could control that disease with insulin, but after a personal party one December night, my blood sugar got above 500, that’s five times normal. I knew, right at that moment, my life was in danger, but I felt great. I knew I could have a heart or brain attack at any time, so I called an ambulance, but I was one of the happiest guys those EMT guys ever saw. I was admitted quickly and pumped full of insulin, or whatever emergency drugs they use for out of control diabetics, and was admitted. That was on a Sunday night. By Monday morning, I had to call my mother and explain why I wasn't home. I heard her cry and actually mourn for the son she knew she would lose soon. Those tears turned me. I had to try something, but I knew even the best diets wouldn't work for me. I couldn't/wouldn't stay on them for long. I've always known my disease was out of control and always would be, so I had to find a place for a person who would never control himself. Who’s that?
Then I remembered OA. I had been to meetings years ago, but gave them up, because it struck me as too religious, and I was an atheist, but I remembered someone telling me to “take a tif, act as if”. That made sense to me. Roll playing games are very popular now. Remember Dungeons and Dragons? I felt I could play the roll of a faithful person. Sure, in my heart, I didn't believe in it, but I could act the part.
I then got on the phone and looked up the next and nearest meeting. It just so happened, there was a meeting in the hospital I was in, that night. It made me laugh as I thought, God can be very convenient when your life depends on it. Ever since then, I have been in and out of abstinence, usually in contact with a sponsor with whom I work on the first few steps, and I keep coming back to those Monday meetings in that hospital.
David Rubin
15 Leverett Ct
Staten Island, NY10308-1726
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