I need a god who is loving, caring, persistent, but not demanding. He must help me know when to stop, when I'm just going in circles, when to walk away and when to come back. I suppose what I'm looking for is a god to answer the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Letter to Lifeline, the Overeaters Anonymous journal
I was born with autism. One of the symptoms are extreme and uncontrollable likes and dislikes. For me, that included certain foods, so it was inevitable that I would eventually become morbidly obese. My family insisted I should just control myself. We OA people know how ridiculous that is. That goes double for autistics.
Eventually, inevitably, I got diabetes. I thought I could control that disease with insulin, but after a personal party one December night, my blood sugar got above 500, that’s five times normal. I knew, right at that moment, my life was in danger, but I felt great. I knew I could have a heart or brain attack at any time, so I called an ambulance, but I was one of the happiest guys those EMT guys ever saw. I was admitted quickly and pumped full of insulin, or whatever emergency drugs they use for out of control diabetics, and was admitted. That was on a Sunday night. By Monday morning, I had to call my mother and explain why I wasn't home. I heard her cry and actually mourn for the son she knew she would lose soon. Those tears turned me. I had to try something, but I knew even the best diets wouldn't work for me. I couldn't/wouldn't stay on them for long. I've always known my disease was out of control and always would be, so I had to find a place for a person who would never control himself. Who’s that?
Then I remembered OA. I had been to meetings years ago, but gave them up, because it struck me as too religious, and I was an atheist, but I remembered someone telling me to “take a tif, act as if”. That made sense to me. Roll playing games are very popular now. Remember Dungeons and Dragons? I felt I could play the roll of a faithful person. Sure, in my heart, I didn't believe in it, but I could act the part.
I then got on the phone and looked up the next and nearest meeting. It just so happened, there was a meeting in the hospital I was in, that night. It made me laugh as I thought, God can be very convenient when your life depends on it. Ever since then, I have been in and out of abstinence, usually in contact with a sponsor with whom I work on the first few steps, and I keep coming back to those Monday meetings in that hospital.
David Rubin
15 Leverett Ct
Staten Island, NY10308-1726
Eventually, inevitably, I got diabetes. I thought I could control that disease with insulin, but after a personal party one December night, my blood sugar got above 500, that’s five times normal. I knew, right at that moment, my life was in danger, but I felt great. I knew I could have a heart or brain attack at any time, so I called an ambulance, but I was one of the happiest guys those EMT guys ever saw. I was admitted quickly and pumped full of insulin, or whatever emergency drugs they use for out of control diabetics, and was admitted. That was on a Sunday night. By Monday morning, I had to call my mother and explain why I wasn't home. I heard her cry and actually mourn for the son she knew she would lose soon. Those tears turned me. I had to try something, but I knew even the best diets wouldn't work for me. I couldn't/wouldn't stay on them for long. I've always known my disease was out of control and always would be, so I had to find a place for a person who would never control himself. Who’s that?
Then I remembered OA. I had been to meetings years ago, but gave them up, because it struck me as too religious, and I was an atheist, but I remembered someone telling me to “take a tif, act as if”. That made sense to me. Roll playing games are very popular now. Remember Dungeons and Dragons? I felt I could play the roll of a faithful person. Sure, in my heart, I didn't believe in it, but I could act the part.
I then got on the phone and looked up the next and nearest meeting. It just so happened, there was a meeting in the hospital I was in, that night. It made me laugh as I thought, God can be very convenient when your life depends on it. Ever since then, I have been in and out of abstinence, usually in contact with a sponsor with whom I work on the first few steps, and I keep coming back to those Monday meetings in that hospital.
David Rubin
15 Leverett Ct
Staten Island, NY10308-1726
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